Horoscope Review: Cheapest Online Psychic, Pasqualina

Smells Like Bogus Astrology

"With her big dark eyes and her long hair, Pasqualina looks like an Ancient Goddess," says the copy under the "Generous Offer" menu item on Pasqualina.com. "Pasqualina" means "Easter's child" and her last name is supposedly Sogni, Italian for "dreams." She is a fake online psychic meant to appeal mainly to those outside of North America.

Pasqualina's site is based in France, as is the site of the notorious and openly fake "Gabriella." Neither is a woman or even a person. They are computers programmed to send you links to vague and lengthy computerized "free readings" -- Pasqualina's is 3,400 words; here, see mine -- that are mainly sales pitches for more expensive readings. Pasqualina's home page is haloed with ads for lotteries, and her "latest testimonials" say, "'I have recently won $15 million dollars the lotto 649 and iI [sic] think my problems just went away' -Joe B." ..."'I won 100,000.00 DM [Deutsche Marks] in the lottery'- R. L." Now, R.L.'s win had to be more than 9 years ago, before the Euro replaced the Deutsche Mark. If that's among Pasqualina's most recent, she's not very good, is she? Only the lowest types of diviners target the poorest and most desperate people by dangling the prospect of a lottery win.

But Pasqualina wants your name, email address, and birthdate so she can send you a free clairvoyant horoscope. Her owner hopes you don't know that horoscopes are based on sky maps and not clairvoyance. After you send your information, which she swears is private, a confirmation number arrives in your email, which you place in the subject line of your reply. She asks you to "Indicate me [sic] a number between 1 and 9, your favorite color and your zodiac sign. You can also entrust me your most urgent problem [sic]."

A real astrologer would be able to tell my zodiac sign from the birth date I already sent her. But I confirmed my email address to see what would happen. In my 3400-word "clairvoyant horoscope" which said NOT ONE WORD about the zodiac or planets, Pasqualina predicted that my next seven months would be a "Miraculous Period of Good Fortune. . . .you will receive a large sum of money (I have clearly seen the figure 80,000). . . .Finally, I will perform an Occult Magical Power Ritual to allow you to rid yourself of the negative vibrations which trouble you. This will help you directly to COMPLETE JOY, which you deserve and will be finally yours." That's just what I wanted to hear and "she " knows it. You'll get the same message.

Pasqualina has one advantage over other fake psychics: She's the most inexpensive I've seen. You can get her First Predictions for $9.95, Complete Predictions for $19.95, or those plus your Special Horoscope for the Future for $29.95, with a "priority" fee of $5.90. The prices may tempt you but they also guarantee that you will receive the same computerized readouts that everyone gets. "She" 's even got it set up so you can pay in two installments. Don't pay anything. Sara Freder, fake astrologer, is run by the same company.

I will let you know when I receive 80 grand, as the Ancient Goddess has foreseen.